I’ve been feeling it extra hard the past few days. I felt so alone in my feelings of overwhelm, frustration and lack of hope.
I found I was losing my ability to read compassion and empathy into communications, and was overly triggered. Things people would say just lead me deeper into depression and seeing myself as not worthy.
Talking to Chris about it just was no longer enough. And with no support network around in person, it boiled over into my personal social media places.
To my comforting surprise, so many friends shared they were feeling it too – and were glad I shared. And that knowledge, that I’m not as alone as I think, is helping me claw my way back into light.
So I thought I’d share here too. Maybe you’re feeling it too?
All 2020 we collectively wrote all the bad stuff off as simply being 2020. But there’s nothing magic about the calendar ticking over to 2021 that made everything suddenly better. And here we are, starting the second month of this new year.
This is definitely a more personal and emotionally vulnerable post than I normally share here – but what the heck, here’s my perspective on things.
Pandemic Fatigue
On top of all of the normal life stuff that happens that can bring us down, pandemic fatigue is a real thing.
January marked the year of awareness of what was to come. The first cases being reported. The virus being identified.
We can’t help but have bittersweet memories of what life was like a year ago – pre-pandemic. Time with friends, travels and hugs. Reminder posts are everywhere of what you were doing a year ago. This time last year we were on a cross country trip full of people we love – but knowing we were heading into some unknown.
We’re now in month 10 of the officially declared pandemic. And no matter how you’re dealing with it, life is simply different now.
Our social circles have closed in, and time with friends has adjusted. It’s been a pretty big shift for us personally, as our community is nomadic or spread across the country. Many of our nomadic friends, like us, have settle down – and we’re not crossing paths.
We just simply don’t have many social ties ‘locally’ and forging new social ties during a pandemic isn’t easy.
And virtual meetings have gotten to a point of making my stomach turn. They just don’t cut it most days anymore.
We’re used to being self-sufficient and mostly on our own. We’re introverts and homebodies who are adept at this stuff. We fully realize how extremely blessed we are to have each other, work from home, have income and have extra to share. That we have little to actually complain about.
But none of that fills the void of feeling connected to community.
Vaccines are here and are shedding some light. While we’re thrilled that family and friends are eligible and are able to take steps to decreased risks, I know I’m not personally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel yet. We still have a long way to go, we personally are months away from our own shots, and there are so many unknowns (mutations, contagiousness, herd immunity, ongoing boosters, etc.)
It’s hard to keep our chins up and looking forward, when we don’t see much changing anytime soon for us. It’s more of this slog where each day seems like the last one.
So do cut yourself some slack. This is tough stuff.
The fatigue of dealing with it, no matter how you’re dealing with it, is real.
This Winter is Heavy
We’re in the dead of winter as well. So don’t discount seasonal impacts. We’re getting less sunlight, you might be in colder climates where being outside is dreadful.
Even here in sunny Florida, we feel it and are thankful for the extra minutes of light we’re gaining each day.
And no matter where on the political spectrum you are, the weight of the past months is heavy.
I think more so than any other election or administration cycle I’ve ever experienced in my lifetime at least. The divide is greater than ever before, and I know I’m mourning for the loss of feeling like we as a country are on a unified mission. The path forward doesn’t seem like a shared vision anymore.
So please don’t discount that you or those you interact with might be feeling it too. They might be in mourning, recovery, celebration, denial or any combination of those things.
Feel the Feels
I don’t have answers to this stuff. There’s no magical solution.
Feeling the feels is what I’m allowing myself to do this week.
Talk to friends, reach out. You may find they need it too – an outlet to know they’re not alone.
Don’t be afraid to hold boundaries when others ask more of you than you can give.
Stay out of social media if you need a break, unfollow where you need to.
Seeing others out enjoying life in ways you don’t feel comfortable with yet for yourself can be extra triggering. Or maybe that’s just the escape you need.
Go back in with conscious intent when you’re ready to use social media for social.
And when you have the extra mental capacity, engage that compassion. We’re all in this together, and we’re all at different parts of the journey in how we’re processing things. A little love, a little recognition, a little grace, a little smile – can go a long way to helping someone feel seen and heard.
Take care my friends. Take care of each other.
I’m going back under my covers to continue feeling my feels.
Chris and Cherie, See your sharing has shown how much others are empathetic to you both.
I just sent you an email to technomedia.
See hou on the water some day!
Alan & Jeanne
M/V SIGMACHI
Thanks… haven’t seen any e-mail come through however. If you sent it to ‘technomedia’ that would be incorrect however 🙂
Thank you for this Cherie – for the post and for the comments. Mark and I, too, felt the effects of the pandemic in all kinds of unexpected ways. After 18 months in an apartment, we set out again full time in our bus about two weeks before Covid hit the news. It wasn’t long before all the restrictions started to make our travel adventure feel like glorified homelessness. It’s been a real rollercoaster. We bought a house in December that we are planning to flip this summer and are using this time to do a major remodel of the bus. We are almost done with demo and I have to say that the constant physical activity and engaging the mind with researching components of various systems is keeping us going during what are otherwise dark and depressing times. So much of what you said resonated with me – struggling with social media, Covid restrictions, the election. The divisiveness has been the worst part of it all. You are so not alone. Radical self-care without judgment seems to be the only sane way forward. Thanks again for putting yourself out there with this.
I’m late posting on this, but gosh how I feel it (and have felt it). You are not alone, and you echo what has been felt by so many. These times have been mentally tough, and each of us has gone through it at some point. I wish we could be closer, and be together again. Until that day love to you.
Nina
BEST blog post I have seen from anyone in quite some time! THANK YOU for letting us in and I hope it helps you as well. Been in your space….like the last 6 months but even tho I am here in way below zero temps, I am improving! Self cate was the ticket and you got this girl!
Thank you for this well said post. Your post has helped.
We are retired and have no money worries. We have been donating to our local food bank but it hardly seems adequate.
Fortunately only a few people we know have had COVID. My husband lost his remaining sibling in the spring to cancer. His only aunt fell and had to be hospitalized and then moved to a nursing home for rehab where she of course got COVID but has recovered.
Right before Christmas we had a hot water leak in the slab of our home. We found it right away and we’re able to get the hot water turned off and remediation done even though it was the weekend. The pipes have been fixed which involved jackhammers and tunneling and removing the flooring in a bedroom, hall and 3 closets. We were able to bring our Leisure Travel Van to the house and spend time in it while the workman were in our house. The flooring has not been replaced yet. We are waiting until it is safer to have workmen in our home.
We received our first vaccine dose almost two weeks ago. No one else we know had received the vaccine until today. I’ve been feeling guilty although we did not jump the line but just paid attention to when we could sign up in our county.
As for the COVID pandemic, I believe I see a light at the end of the tunnel. One day (soon?) this will be behind us. What troubles me is the divide it has caused (or should I say the previous administration caused with the denials) in our nation. For that I only see dark days ahead. 8^(
I think you need to get rid of the bottle of Chateau and switch that out for a bottle of Southern comfort.
See You take your bottle of Southern comfort an go down to Playalinda at Parking lot nine on a nice Sunny days take your clothes off and lay in the beach (Towel is optional )I would suggest you do not do it on a windy day because you don’t want sand in your southern comfort. Three more months it’ll be spring and we can all come out and play
You put yourself out there in this heartfelt post. It is a tough time and your feeling are real. Thank you for your perspective and continue to reach out where you can. We all are wanting just a touch of one another.
Cherie,
I can certainly relate. Prior to the 01/20/21 inauguration my world was immersed in political insanity and working to help Dems win. We had been nomads for just a bit over a year via timeshares and pet sitting gigs. When COVID hit we started doing longer sits so sort of semi-travelling staying in an area a month or two at a time.
Here’s a few suggestions which may help (they help me and my wife)
After the inauguration, I unsubscribed from most of the political stuff (that takes a while) and that helps a lot.
Fortunately, we prefer outdoor activities like hiking which automatically keeps us socially distanced.
We aren’t big restaurant goers and have yet to be satisfied with any takeout as when we get it home it never tastes as good as fresh in the restaurant.
So, I just started trying one of those meal delivery services that delivers your stuff and then you prepare it. Have to say so far it’s great! We’re eating different things that taste wonderful and like the ads say I know we’re spending much less than we normally would in the grocery store – and WAY less than a restaurant!
It’s fun, takes a minor amount of time, gives us something to do and helps distract from other things. We’re trying EveryPlate (not pushing it but you might wonder) and have been pleased with our short experience.
The only problem is now my wife has realized I can read directions and cook!
Finally, while I’m not religious, I find a modified serenity prayer handy:
I’ll change the things I can,
accept the things I can’t, and
relax and have patience realizing that this will pass.
Hope this helps a bit!
We too did a lot of election volunteer work, and it felt really good to have actionable items. We are blessed here in Sanford to have TONS of awesome take-out options and safer feeling outdoor dining just mere steps from our boat. One of the many reasons we selected this location to hunker down at. We love being able to support these small independent businesses that are struggling, and enjoy yummy cuisine.
Thank you for writing this statement: “Seeing others out enjoying life in ways you don’t feel comfortable with yet for yourself can be extra triggering.” Seeing that meant a great deal to me. I really needed to see that to know that I am not alone.
After all the sacrifices made to keep myself and those around me safe, seeing people completely ignore common sense measures has left me deeply angry and even more mistrustful of others.
I live in a snowbird community in AZ (full-time now that I am off the road). People coming from other states and Canada (yes…they are still coming here) who have arrived at their ‘happy place’ mistakenly believe that because they are escaping winter and their normal environment, that they are in a safe bubble here.
Even with the ambulances frequently coming to the resort and hearing that their friends are in the ICU, people are meeting on their patios and playing pickleball and doing other activities maskless. In effect, they are playing Russian Roulette with their own lives and also with others’ lives.
Topping it off with the recent events around the election….no wonder so many are discouraged. The only comfort is that nothing lasts forever….not even hard times.
I am stuck in the Great White North…could not escape to the South due to closure of the land borders….I miss the 30 mins more of sunlight that I would enjoyed, being in Florida, as well as my friends and family, on the other side of the border.
Winter always takes its toll, and with this pandemic, each day is grim. Sharing how we feel is important; your post describes what many are going through, but afraid to talk about.
We are only two here with a beautiful old kitty. Each day we cherish the minutes more of daylight, a beacon in the ceaseless pandemic; and trying hard to channel our despondency into creative and artistic times.
Stay safe, and please keep writing your thoughts. It will help you go through the tough times, will help others and will bring you toward the good times to come…ultimately
Appreciate your opening up. I do really miss my friends and the wide open spaces. Like many we have largely been hunkered down and I miss seeing new areas. It’s also been challenging navigating family who fill differently than we do about pandemic safety. I am thankful though that I am employed and live with my best friend. That being said 400 square feet feels very small some days. Take care and know you are not alone.
You are not alone. My husband and I are 71 and 70. We were not impacted financially but miss our church, our grandkids and I miss people not being able to see when I smile at them. When I thought it couldn’t get worse, I had eye surgery last week and the mass was non-Hodgkins. lymphoma again that I first had in 2004. This time I will be afraid to even go into the various medical facilities for tests, treatments, etc. — especially since most of them make my husband wait in the car. I feel for each and every one of you and hate that I’m not able to be optimistic about life in general. I know it could be so much worse but some days even that doesn’t help. God bless us all.
I’m so sorry for your diagnosis. Having the navigate the medical system during Covid just adds to the stress of it all. Wishing you all the best in getting through it. You got this!
I should have mentioned that we did not cancel any of our monthly camping reservations for the year yet. I can barf in the RV just as easy as at home. LOL
Oh Linda, I would love to pray for you that you’ll be safe and whole again. Be strong. ~Dinah
Update ! I have tested this method and it helps . Not permanently but for a bit . WINE ! If that doesn’t cheer you up , MORE WINE .
In my personal experience, combining and wine & depression rarely has good outcomes. When I get this way, I take a break and save the wine for more cheerful enjoyment and positivity.
I started my full timing journey on June 29th, slap dab in the middle of all this. Not having a clue on what it is like to Full time I had nothing to compare it to. All I know is life goes on. Even now, freezing nights, someone braves the cold & starts a fire. Stopping by & quickly warming your hands while “checking in” is a break from sitting home alone. I share the feelings you expressed yet “will not” let it get me down.
Indeed… life does go on. And that’s what we all must do. But for me, it’s also important to acknowledge the feelings when they come up, or else they can fester.
Cherie, thank you for your post, it gives me perspective. I thought I was doing OK, taking it one day at a time until about November I realized it takes me twice as long to get things done and I sleep more. I’m still fairly optimistic that we will get thru this, but also realize that this isolation is taking a toll on me. On top of Covid life goes on, we are still burdened with family illness but blessed with grandchildren. Hang in there Cherie, there will be an end to this. Patty in Pasadena
Continued for Cherie: …for your multitude of readers and yes friends who may never have met but are ardent in our appreciations and affection for YOU and Chris!
Do something brash and invigorating; maybe take the bost to some spring head on the river and jump in…make sure you cang get back on the bo a t.
Cherie, Wow! You know dear lady that your “personal testiment” is so telling of your caring ⤠of others and should be well received by ALL! nd dear “nomadic lady,” that ALL includes YOU!!
You have elegantly expressed your thoughts, your feelings and most of all your personal vulnerabilities….PUBLICLY and in doing so you have consciously or unconsciously shown your leadership qualities and empathetic nature with your multitude of
Awww… blush. Thank you. I just thought if it helped me to know others were going through this, that maybe it could help others too.
Just hang in there and be patient.
Thanks guys,
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with this blog post.
We also have much to be thankful for and can not quite explain how/ why we feel the way we do.
We retired a year and a half ago with plans of travel, travel and more travel! But here we sit, inside, waiting for the restart of ”normal” life.
We are months away from our vaccine shot, and anxiety, more about timing the start of the Great Loop, and Canadian border opening, seems to be at the forefront of our thoughts.
Our loop plan is primarily for the social experience. But will we bring ourselves to be close enough to enjoy the company of others for some time? I’m not certain. It currently doesn’t look promising.
We’ve dreamed and planned for years, purchased, trained and prepared our boat for a year and are poised to go. But timing of all the aforementioned just may not work out for 21. So there’s that!
Yes, the political scene is a mess and we seem as far apart as ever before.
I can’t say it’s comforting to hear yourself and others have the same feelings. Mostly because it makes me sad to think so many are in a similar frame of mind. But here we are.
Perhaps Openly discussing will help us all through this dark time?, and thanks again for sharing. Maybe we can pull each other through.
We appear to be a group of fortunate and blessed individuals who rightfully shouldn’t be complaining. But our feelings are as real as the next person.
There are many who are at a much more disadvantaged point. And I find reminding myself just how blessed we truly are keeps the darkness at bay. We turn to help those where we can, and try, hard as it may, to maintain a positive attitude. As the saying goes ” This too shall pass”
It should not be the headlines we consume daily, but the history books. History will show we are in the darkest part of this pandemic, this is true. But it’s always darkest before the dawn, and soon we will be celebrating that new day!
Chin up, stay safe, and be well!
I feel bad for those who have been ramping up to pursue dreams of travel – only to have them muted by this stuff.
While we were in pursuit of the Loop when this all hit, at least we have years of nomadic adventures behind us so we’re not trying to tamp down a lot of pent up anticipation. We know, from experience, that the experience will be better waiting when we can soak in the social and explore Canada.
As you say.. this will pass. We just have to get through it intact.
I’m glad at how comfortable my bed is. I’m now sleeping ten hours a night instead of my previous nine but since there’s nowhere to go and nothing to do, why not? Yes, I am grateful for how easy my life is compared to many. I am in the group of old, unhealthy people who already received my first vaccine injection and the second one is next week. But, there’s still nowhere to go and nothing to do.
Hang in there, Linda. My mom has always quoted to us ”This too shall pass.” Now more than ever we have to remember no matter how unending this season seems, it will end. It is not forever. Be strong, safe, as healthy as you can do you’ll be ready when it does.
Right there beside you, Cherie. It’s been ”interesting?” to experience loneliness and anxiety from the extreme disconnection—as a homebody and ultra-introvert, it blindsided me.
Yup, introversion doesn’t mean we don’t need connections. And the kind we most thrive on (deep trusted connections) are more difficult to find in times like these.
We are in it together. I feel that I am luckier than most, but still…itching to travel and itching to make all of those life changing things that were so painstakingly planned a year ago. This too shall pass!
Thank you! I too have been having heavy feelings this last two years, 2019 due to loss/change of employment and loss of my fiancÁ©, so I went into 2020 already coming out of a deep emotional hole, which made 2020 easier to cope with but the daily wear of being so alone for much of the time and all that has gone on in 2020 has compounded into tough challenges. Your blog really helped me put some things into perspective that we are all going thru these challenging emotional times and must reach out and work together to keep us moving forward. Thank you again.
Thanks for sharing, Cherie. It’s not easy to put all of that out there. My husband and I had moments of the same. These are some really long months.
We had to winterize our RV and are renting a house outside of Montreal. Travel is really locked down here with lots of restrictions on our interactions with others and our movements, including a curfew. We are snowed in and dreaming of the sun, warmer weather, travel and hugging people!
Thank you for all that you do. Feel your feels and come out swinging!
Stay safe and healthy,
Cathy
Yes I can relate. While I do have an office to go to, the office environment has changed drastically as well as many staffing changes. My first career was affected by the economic crash of 2007-2008; now my second career is impacted by Covid-19. While I am in the process of reinventing myself into a third career of self employment, 2020 and 2021 are much more difficult than past stresses and challenges. Losing our cat Hampton in May 2020 has compounded my sadness and sense of loss and disappointment with the world and our country.
2021 travel is looking close to bust already which saddens me even further professionally and personally. I miss travel, family, friends, pets, movie theaters, and more.
I am feeling the feels and struggling to find a renewed sense of purpose and passion in daily life which is not easy during these dark, cold days of winter.
Thank you so much for this blog. I woke up this morning feeling the weight of the world more overwhelming than usual. Your incite touched on key elements I’m struggling with. I felt some comfort and and for that I am grateful.
Thanks for crystallizing the feels of the times we’re in.
It’s been a wearing time, even if, like you folks, income doesn’t seem to pose a problem and you and yours are in reasonably good health. I have to keep reminding myself of all of the above, but that doesn’t reduce the anxiety of “When is the next shoe going to drop?”
It doesn’t lessen the frustration of “Oh, we have to defer that trip/find a workaround so the HS kid can get his service hours/help the young adult figure out an alternate career path since the chosen one may not come back in a meaningful way for YEARS.”
It doesn’t ameliorate the bouts of loneliness at the lack of human contact, even for introverts.
It doesn’t diminish the mixture of emotions knowing the vaccine is available (YAY!)…but confusing to actually get jabbed if you’re in the priority group of 65+/first responders/HC professionals and further frustration at being way down the line (looking at Fall, maybe, for a shot??) if you’re under 65.
It’s exhausting.
Thanks for the validation.
Stay safe!
We all have different challenges through this. When these bouts of feelings start to come on, I first feel guilty for even feeling them knowing so many have more difficult challenges to navigate. And then that just starts to feed a negative narrative to myself about not being strong enough to handle this. But this is tough stuff, for all of us.
Thanks for sharing this Cherie . Aside from the pandemic blues I lost 3 friends in January. For some reason your post helped .
I’m so sorry for your losses. The pandemic is taking away too many from us, on top of the ‘normal’ losses we all experience in life – which are tough enough as is.
Cherie, thank you so much for this post. We all feel it. This roller coaster is the worst ride I’ve ever been on, and if I could get my money back, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
To anyone who is feeling this tremendous weight, I’ll tell them to please take a few minutes to look up mental health resources in your area. A simple Google search will do it. Use your locale or your zip code. There are people who can help while you work out how to help yourself.
My wife and I, five year full-timers, were hunkered down in the Pacific Northwest, getting ready to ride out the dark of winter together. We were in an area that while not untouched by the virus, was experiencing infections at a much lower rate than other parts of the country. This was a good place to wait it out together. When spring arrived, we could hit the road again, vaccinated, and ready to go back to work. We had one another to lean on, to commiserate with, to share the experience, for better or worse.
The day after Thanksgiving, my wife died suddenly of a heart attack. The world, once merely heavy and ponderous, was now crushingly empty. It was far too much to even attempt to handle alone. I reached out to friends, my “family” from Twitter and Instagram, and eventually, local resources for grief counseling and management. The assistance I received from all involved was immense, and I don’t know what i would have done without them.
This is a process. This pain of distance, isolation, grief, and nostalgia for what once was, will not go away in a hurry. My process will literally take me the rest of my life to deal with. This is my life now. Once I realized that, the pressure to keep up appearances, to get over it, to mend and heal, to move on, was lifted. My only mantra now, is “Left foot, right foot.” This is the way forward.
We will all get through this somehow. Easy? No, but we can all help one another along the way. Your post helped me this morning. Maybe my reply can help you or someone else. We just have to keep thinking about what we want, where we’re headed, and eventually, we’ll get there.
Again, thank you. We’ll see you on the road.
Peace, Bud
Bud, my sincere sympathies to you in the loss of your wife, your travel buddy in life. You seem to have your head and heart in the right place and are learning to take each day as it comes. That’s no small task, especially now when we want to leapfrog into a better time that is surely, dear God, ahead. Be strong. Thank you for sharing. {virtual hug}
Thank you for sharing, Bud. I’m so sorry for the sudden loss of your partner in adventures and life. Grief and transition is indeed a process, and not one that can be gone through quickly. I’m glad you’ve sought out the support of your community to help you through this tremendous experience.
Cherie – You are not alone in these feelings. We’re in sunny Silicon Valley and anticipating a move to sunny Florida in 1-2 years. The thought of a later sunset in Florida (about 1/2 hour later today) is one thing my husband is looking forward to. While the flexibility is welcomed and we are blessed to be in the situation we are in, ten months of working from home and its corresponding Zoom calls have taken a toll. Be well, be safe and take care of yourself in the way that you need.
You really nailed my thoughts! Well done.
I also feel so fortunate to have a spouse I love, we’re basic homebodies, are retired and have no money worries.
But the nagging sad thoughts still creep in. I sometimes have a hard time getting motivated to start a project or accomplish anything. And wonder: when will we be at the end of this long, scary tunnel?!
Then I feel slightly guilty for being sad when I really do have it so well off.
Your post helped me to realize that I’m not unique- – and my feelings are valid.
Thanks!
Stay safe and well!
Erica
Your comment is similar to my feelings. Hang in there.
I definitely go through a round of guilt when I start feeling like this… I mean, we’re so blessed and privileged and don’t have the challenges of others. But we also can’t help others if we’re not acknowledging our own struggles through this. This IS tough stuff.
We share all the feels. I’ve had to completely avoid the news over the past couple of months and have no idea when I’ll feel ready to read them again. We share the feelings of guilt at our fortunate circumstances while so many others are going through hellish times. But the isolation struggle is real, it’s definitely making my husband and me shorter-tempered, and I’m so glad to hear that being triggered by issues or a circumstance isn’t just me being overly sensitive. And OMG yes on the virtual meetings fatigue! I can’t imagine how my sister, who’s a teacher, manages. Trying to find activities and ways to safely interact with people to maintain our sanity is exhausting. The fatigue is its own pandemic.